As I walk through the shadow of the valley...

... I shall fear no evil.

These immortal words that everybody knows, no matter what their faith is - be it Abrahamic, Ayurvedic or otherwise, these word are timeless and yet I question their very meaning.  I sometimes get afraid, very afraid.

I have been feeling a lot of fear this week - though not in a state of mind.  as in I have not been afriad of some act or danger etc.  I have been feeling intense reverance and awe towards my personal belief system.

As I quite often do, this has made me think about faith.  I have read of all sorts of things about what I would perceive as being an atrocity that the perpatrators have told they were given instruction by their own god to carry out.  I think we all know that fear can extinguish the brightest of lights, like a star in the galaxy that implodes and turns itself into a black hole - a hole in which there is an endless nothing.

This is a particularly holy time of the year in the Hindu calendar.  It is widely known that I have adopted a large part of this religion in so far as is possible with my limited knowledge and yet external influences have taken me away from certian practices this week.

I have been trying to keep myself positive for my team, clients, candidates, friends, fellow gym goers, etc.  all of this with an overwhelming feeling of... well....  fear.  Fear of what I do not know, retirbution for not humbling myself this week.

This morning whilst on the train to Manchester I nodded off, and I woke up with four words running around in my head: "Love.  Fate.  Hope.  Destiny"  all immaterial and unmanageable things, this just made me feel even more overwhelmed.

I am normally a very positive person with a good perspective on things...  but as I type another quote has entered my mind: “An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”

I am afraid.